Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
