youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Vodka?
Forever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
