after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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