...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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