I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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