if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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