This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
