if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
