The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
