someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Enjoy the penises
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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