4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
