so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
