Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
