I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
