to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
