after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
