3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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