i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
