I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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