is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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