The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will die if light touches me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
