I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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