I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
