Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
