Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
