Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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