Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
