that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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