All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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