About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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