Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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