Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Shame - the story of my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
