We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
