Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
