I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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