I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
