Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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