Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Randomize
