I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
