Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
