OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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