my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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