I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
