I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
