omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
