no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
