Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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