So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
