I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
