she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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