So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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