i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
