Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
