I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
