i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
