im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
