if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
