I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
