tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
