Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
