Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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