I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
