Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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