I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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