I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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