Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
