dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
