you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
