this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
