She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
