I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize