Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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