i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
