Kareoke will never be a sober sport
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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